September 28, 2005: I Curse You
Four-weeks have passed since we moved to the house and not a day has gone by without me cursing builders, contractors or home-owners in general. It’s amazing how you can see the degradation of home construction through the decades, each time affected by ways the contractors find to save a buck here and there. It’s also amazing what people choose to do to a place. How much do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
Popcorn celings
Making a smooth ceiling is apparently too much to ask. The condo we just moved from had a rougher surface not only on the ceiling but also the walls. Definitely not as nice as a smooth surface all around but, hands down, a thousand times more appealing to the eye than this popcorn crap.
Popcorn ceiling gets dirty and acquires a nasty shade of gray over time. Can it be removed? Sure. But you better test it for asbestos first because it may still be contained in popcorn material used as late as the mid 80’s. If asbestos is found in the material, can it be removed professionally? Sure. But it costs an arm and a leg and you have to take everything out of the room (and if you’re going to have someone come in for a room, you might as well do the whole place meaning you have to take everything out of the house). What if it doesn’t contain asbestos? It can be done but is a nasty mess after which you need to probably refinish and paint the ceiling. If not removed, can it be cleaned? Cleaning a fragile potentially dangerous material doesn’t sound too inviting, frankly. So, what to do? Hopefully find a way to paint it with a sprayer or paint the walls in a dark color to draw away from the ceiling and make it look whiter. Or you can just live with it
No matter what, it’s plain scary if this is all over your house. I used to feel safe at home. Now I feel like I should buy one of those radiation-protective suits the government people wore in E.T.
Lead
Lead is everywhere. If it’s not in your paint (if your house is old enough) then it is in your water pipes. Everyone knows consuming lead is fatal but I guess the amount we get from the water we drink is not enough to cause harm. Still, WTF? Could we not be using a different material? Then again, we’d probably choose something that will be determined harmful years from now. Is there anyone out there who does not believe humans are going to be responsible for our own demise?
Carpet
Carpet must have been all the rage at some point cause it’s crazy how many times you hear of people pulling up old carpet only to find wood floors underneath. I mean, really, who does that?
I swear, if popcorn ceiling didn’t potentially contain asbestos, carpet would be - without a doubt - the most disgusting material to find in a home. It’s amazing how comfortable everyone feels on carpet because it "feels soft" and "keeps our footsies warm". Nevermind it collects enough dirt, pests, odors and fluids to add to the barrage of chemicals it is manufactured with.
To this day, I still wonder if Cleo’s jaw cancer was caused by the carpet she chewed on while alone at home. It would kill me if that was the case.
Wall Paper
For the love of all that is holy, who the hell thinks wall paper looks good? Wall paper is about as attractive as the standard-issued plumber’s butt crack. As if that wasn’t enough, it can be a royal pain in the ass to remove. And worse, you can sometimes find out whoever put the wallpaper up used a knife to cut it after it had been placed on the wall leaving a nice and long gash that has to be spackled and then sanded in order to not make visible.
The only reason why you should have wallpaper up is if you freaking live in the Château de Versailles. Seriously.
Switched Outlets
Some people (ahem, Carrie) hate switched outlets. I personally like them quite a bit because I like lighting. When I first got the condo I went light-crazy and installed lamps, spots, dimmers and remote controls. Light adds a lot to the interior but you definitely need a way to control it. With older houses, it’s understandable that you can’t find separate switches for lights and fans or that there are no recessed lamps or spotlights. And I’m cool with this as it can be easily fixed.
However, switched outlets have been around for some time because it is a simple concept. It bothers me, however, when I find a switch that controls an outlet that is basically right next to it. Wouldn’t it make more sense if it controlled an outlet across the room? I mean, come on! If I want to switch on a lamp that stands next to the entrance, I can just lean over a tad and do it myself. Othewise, what a complete waste of effort.
What’s even worse is that, in my case, the outlet is in the location where it would make the most sense to place the entertainment shelf. Just what I want: a wall switch for anyone to accidentally turn off the TV, DVD / VCR and speakers all at once. Ingenious.
Other Blunders to Avoid as a Home Owner
The only thing tackier than carpet on your floors would be carpet on the wall. Maybe if you’re Austin Powers and it’s 1969. Otherwise, No.
If one of your bedrooms lacks a phone jack, the incorrect approach would be to run a line from the jack on the wall across the adjacent room, through the dividing wall and into the target room’s closet. No, you do NOT do that! It has been over a decade since the technological breakthrough known as the Cordless Telephone has been available to the masses. Take advantage of this sort of thing.
I understand cable TV wasn’t massively adopted until sometime in the 80’s. What I don’t understand is who thinks it is a good idea to drop cable into every room in the house, drill holes into the drywall and then just leave the cable extend a good 2 meters outside of said opening rather than installing a box with cover plate. Give me a break! You’ve done the hard work of getting up in the attic and laying all the cable throughout the house so why not just got that little extra bit and finish it the right way?